The Beginning

This is it.  This is the beginning of my journey conquering my food issues.  I suppose I should name it for what it is...I have food addiction issues.  Ok, so obviously I am not ready to lose the "issues" part.  But it is just the beginning, right?  

I have began this journey with the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst.  I bought this book almost a year ago with the conviction to begin conquering food.  Let me be honest with you, I never made it past chapter 2 before I stopped reading it.  Every word in this book was hitting to close to home and I decided that I wasn't ready to do this just yet.  I put the book in my briefcase, just in case I had time to read it during my crazy days, and never opened it again.  In December my husband was teasing me that I had the whole world in my briefcase so I decided to clean it out.  I found the book and placed it on top of my dresser.  On Saturday, January 18, 2014, I was perusing Proverbs 31 website and saw that they were starting an online Bible Study for "Made to Crave."  That was it.  It finally clicked.  I was going to do this.

I had already titled 2014 as my year to overcome.  I was telling the kids this was the year that we were going to overcome our issues and get closer to God.  We were going to finally get to the place in our personal relationships with God, ourselves, and others that we have longed to have.  For my son this meant he at 10, almost 11, was finally going to learn to swim.  For me it meant I was finally going to claim victory over food.  My husband and daughter aren't sure where this year of "overcoming" is taking them yet.  But hey, they have a whole year to figure out what God wants them to overcome.  

So that is how I decided to do this study.  How could I not do this?  It would seem very hypocritical.  Besides I already had the book.  Or so I thought.  

Sunday came, the day before the first day of the study, and I can't find the book.  The same book that has traveled for months with me in my briefcase.  The same book that just last month I placed on top of my dresser.  The same book that if you asked me where it was anytime in the last 10 months or so I could tell you exactly where it was AND it would be there.  However, today it couldn't be found. 

I was freaking out.  I employed my husband to help me find it.  No way was I going to buy another book or not do this study.  I had already declared to my family that I was going to do this.  I had to be an example of "overcoming".  AHHHHH!  Where in the heck is that book?  

In the midst of the 2 hour search I began to well up with tears.  I needed this book.  I couldn't take one more day of the same old same old.  I needed freedom from food.  I told Brian, my husband, that I thought the devil was trying to keep me from the greatness I was going to achieve by doing this study.  Brian found my kindle charger that had been lost for 4 months and said, "Buy it on kindle.  Don't let the devil defeat you."  Wouldn't you know that the first recommended book on my kindle app page was "Made to Crave"!  God was at work.  

So here I am on Thursday and still not sure if I can do this.  I am learning a lot of icky truths about myself that I am embarrassed about and unsure if I want to face.  But here is the glory.  God is speaking to me.  I am learning about those icky truths.  I AM facing them.  I am far from victory over food but I am beginning the journey to overcoming food.  And I am grateful.  I am grateful that I have this thorn.  Without food, I am unsure if I would be as broken as I am now and if I would be reaching out to God as I am now.  

So I ask you, what is it that God wants you to overcome in 2014?  What has He been convicting you about?  

I am going to continue this blog as I walk with God in this Bible study.  I hope that it is an encouragement to you and others.  I encourage your accountability.  I ask for your prayers and encouragement throughout this journey.  Please know that I will be praying for you.