Beneficial

Beneficial.  This week in my M2C study I have been mulling over the word, "beneficial."  To be honest with you, it is a tough concept for me to fully grasp.  I get that it isn't beneficial for me to put my hand on the stove.  I also understand that it is beneficial for me to exercise, even though I don't want to.  But putting "beneficial" with food, now that is where the confusion starts to come in.  

I can honestly say that before God began dealing with me about my food issues, I thought most food was beneficial.  It played a needed role in my life.  It was beneficial for me to eat fast food because I am a super busy working mom that rarely has time to make dinner.  Even when I do make dinner, more likely than not, most of the people at the table don't like it.  Fast food is easy, quick and everyone can get what they will like.  

But if I was really being honest with myself, it was playing a much deeper role in my life.  Fast food, with all it's fat, calories, and grease sounds gross, but to me it was soul filling deliciousness.  If someone hurt my feelings, fast food would make me feel better for a bit.  If my kids were making me crazy, that burger with cheese helped me relax.  If I wasn't feeling well, those salty french fries helped heal me.  I was using fast food like a drug, pure and simple.  

So while not being healthy for me fast food was a benefit, right?  In the short term, yes.  It was helping me cope with and mute my feelings.  In the long run, no.  I was using it to prevent myself from  dealing with my feelings, making healthier choices, and above all other reasons, I was using fast food as a god.  

Gulp!  

That is tough to say, but sadly, true.  Instead of going to God with my problems I was going to fast food.

So beneficial?  Now, today, I can say in no way is it beneficial for me.  Actually, fast food is harmful because I allow it to get in-between God any myself.  I serve it, rather than it serves me.  I turn to it instead of turn to my Savior.  

So what are more beneficial things I can chose.  I can chose to no longer use food as a coping mechanism and instead use prayer.  I can call a friend when I need an ear.  I can read some scripture and get some real soul food.  I can cry out and let the Holy Spirit intercede on my behalf.  I can chose to go for a walk or run.  All those choices are beneficial to me.  They deepen my relationships with God and others and improve my overall health.  Are they my "go to" choices?  No, not yet.  I still  have to consciously decided not to eat and make one of the above choices instead, but I have hope that one day they will become my "go to" choices.

Beneficial.  I am on my way.  God is opening my eyes to the beneficial things in life.  And for that, I am grateful.