At the end of last school year we decided, as a family, to homeschool our middle schooler. I am the primary learning aide during the days. I left my job in June and became a stay-at-home mom again. My days are filled with, whining, back talk, hormones, sighing and eye rolling (lots of sighing and eye rolling), school books, gym equipment, chauffeuring, making about 1,000 meals a day, teaching, and mothering. I was burning out and needed refreshment. I was hoping this book club would help me continue on for the remainder of the week without causing bodily harm to one of my people.
The first night as I was driving 1/2 hour from my house to this book club I was riddled with fear, anxiety and doubt. I was scared that I wouldn't be accepted. I was anxious and hyper aware that I was heavier than I have ever been in my life (including my pregnancies). I was doubtful that this would help ease my ache for connection. I stood on the street, hoping I was about to walk into the correct house and took a deep breath.
What I walked into was love...literally. Before I could even blink ladies were hugging me and greeting me. All the walls I had erected during my drive began to crumble and that evening I was opening up and the full "Tory" came out. I ate, laughed, got teary, and felt a connection with ladies, who for all intents and purposes, were strangers. I already couldn't wait for the following week before I even left that evening. And the book...well let me tell you it is life-changing. I mean honest to goodness, real life, for realz, life-changing. "For the Love" by Jen Hatmaker, whom is now my all time favorite author and girl crush, is one of the best books I have read in a long time. I recommend it to everyone I meet. Weeks later I am still marinating and being challenged by its contents.
This week we concluded our book club with a dinner, as suggested by Mrs. Hatmaker. It was beautiful. We talked about our husbands, our pregnancies, our extended families, childhoods, our struggles. We ate, laughed, and cried together. We created a community over my table. I was so blessed and challenged. I was refreshed and rode the high of authentic interaction through the next day and the next.
As I type that phrase "authentic interaction" I am wrapped up in its meaning. I know it is what God desires of our relationships. I wonder why it is so hard for us to achieve. I have few, stressing the word "few", individuals I feel I can be authentic with. They have hung in there with me. They have loved me when I didn't, or couldn't, love them or myself. They have seen my darkness and remained. They haven't given up on me nor have I given up on them. Normally, this takes years for me to accomplish, but with this book club we were real and authentic on day one.
The home we meet in was literally dripping with prayer and the Holy Spirit. Their presence hung heavy in the air. Our experience had been prayed over prior to us entering the home, throughout our stay and after.
I have begun to challenge myself with prayer. I want to pray before my interactions to remove the fear of rejection and abandonment and replace it with honesty and realness. I am trying to pray my way through, to hang in there and not tune out when I am feeling exposed, uncomfortable and challenged. I need prayers after for continued connection, to step out of my bubble to meet others where they are and to reduce my anxiety.
We came with the expectation of grace and acceptance and found it over a table. We broke bread together just as Jesus did with his disciples. We shared our love through the food we painstakingly prepared, or in my case (because it was "off the beam") bought, for one another.
I challenge you to invite someone to your table. Invite that lady you have been admiring from afar because you think she has it all together. Invite the widow you see in your church always alone. Invite the family that is loud and has children running all over the place.
Why? Because I am convicted we need less financial donations and more time donations. We need to pour into each other, thus pouring into ourselves. We need to care for the widows and orphans as God calls us to. We need to have relationships with people before we preach to them. I am convinced we have to have established trust before we hold others accountable. We need to love, period. Love. It's how Jesus did it. Love. It is is who God is. And I believe, wholeheartedly, real authentic love and relationships can happen over a table filled with wine and food. It is time we change the family table to the community table.
I can't wait to hear about your experiences. Please comment below and tell me your experience with real authentic connections over your community table.
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