Perspective

Science was one of my favorite classes.  I loved growing mold and bacteria on the petri dishes.  I would take notes on my experiment and observations, make predictions, and all around be nerdy, which I still am.  Then would come that glorious day when I would walk into class and the microscopes and box of glass slides would be on the lab tables, oh hallelujah!  

I would clean the slide, swab the petri dish, smear it on the slide, place on the glass cover and víola, I would see a whole new world.  Colorful tiny bacteria would be moving all over the place.  It was like a party going on right under my nose and the only way to see it was to change my perspective.  In the petri dish I only saw the macroview but under the microscope I saw the microview.  

Life is a bit like that, expect we tend to focus on the microview.  We are hypersensitive to the details and have a hard time pulling ourselves away to see the whole picture.  I believe that Satan loves to keep us looking at all the little things to help us lose our perspective of what is really going on.  When we lose our holy perspective, we become ineffective.    

Take for instance the conversation I had with my daughter a few weeks ago.  We were driving and talking about a particular hard place our family was experiencing.  I wanted to know how it was affecting her and to apologize that this situation was taking my energy away from her.  

"I'm really sorry I am kinda crappy mom," I said.   

 

She looked at me with the most shocked face and said, "What are you talking about?  You're a great mom!"   

"Ok, that may be a little overboard, don't you think.  I mean, at best I am an 'ok' mom and lately I am kinda doing awful at the whole 'mom' thing as a whole."

"Mom," she said looking at me, "on a scale of 1-10, what kinda mom do you think you are?"

"On average?  About a 4."  Seriously guys, the look she gave me almost made me run off the road because I thought she was going to kill me.  

"A 4!!  No way, you are at least a 8.  I mean, I would say a 9 but I don't want your head to get too big, so a good solid 8.  Do you know what we put you through?  We aren't easy as kids, you know."  

She is 11, hear that 11!  How in the world did I ever get so blessed as to have her in my life? 

"Yeah, I know, but G, I lose my patience constantly and yell and demand.  Sometimes I wonder if you know how much I love you.  Do you know how much I love you?"

"Mom, I know how much you love me.  It is why you do everything you do.  And you have way more patience that I would with us..." and on she went.  

Perspective.  

I was looking at all the things I do wrong as a mom and here was my daughter telling me all the right things I was doing.  I had let Satan fill all my insecurities with lies about me instead of allowing God to fill me with truths.  I have been doing this for a long time.  My head is a messy place.  It can be ugly and hurtful.  I wouldn't even say out loud the things going on in there sometimes.  

So after that conversation I decided to refill my mind.  

"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes."  Ephesians 4:23  

Lie:  I am a failure.

Truth:  "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13  

Lie:  I am ugly.

Truth:  "For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.  Oneness and peace in Christ." Ephesians 2:10

Lie:  I am not good enough.   

Truth:  "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Lie:  I can't ever be who God created me to be.

Truth:  "Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms in Christ." Ephesians 1:3

Lie:  No one loves me.

Truth:  "I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father."  John 15:15

Lie:  My past is too sinful.

Truth:  "…For you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light."  Ephesians 5:8

Lie:  My kids, husband, family, friends, deserve better than me. 

Truth:  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:  The old has gone, the new is here!"  2 Corinthians 5:17

Lie:  No one wants me. 

Truth:  "We know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you …" 1 Thessalonians 1:4

Lie:  God can't use me. 

Truth:  "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."  2 Peter 1:3

Truth.  

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  John 8:32  

Jesus and His teachings, are the truth and HE is what sets us free.  

Perspective.  

There is a power in godly perspective.  But we can't find out what godly perspective is if we aren't in relationship with Christ.  Unless I fill myself with what God thinks about me daily, sometimes hourly, I am bombarded by lies.  Lies that are carefully designed just for me.  Lies that are meant to keep me in bondage and paralyzed by fear.  

My lies aren't your lies.  I encourage you this Thanksgiving to fill yourself with Truth.  Combat your lies and allow God to speak to you in truth.  I think you will find you have much more to be thankful for than you think.       

Getting back

"Jesus at the center of it all.  Jesus at the center of it all.  From beginning to the end, it will always be, it's always been you Jesus, Jesus."

https://youtu.be/_MO0tI3t3fM

I have noticed lately, because my stress levels have been off the charts and my emotions have been running wild, Jesus is not at the center.  Somewhere along the way, while I was walking with my Savior, I looked away and I became the center.  My feelings, my desires, my expectations, my disappointments became my center.

It has been a hard time for our family for the last few months.  It seems like one crisis after another keeps popping up.  And somehow I became to become hyper focused on me and how all this was affecting me.  I began to get angry and bitter.  I began losing control over my emotions and letting them dictate my actions.  I cried more and laughed less.  I yelled more and listened less.  I was unraveling.

Friday night I was finally still enough that I could hear God and I didn't like what he was saying.  He kept bringing to mind all the ickiness of myself over the last week.  I was impatient, childish, spoiled, angry, bitter, unreasonable, jealous, mean...the list goes on.  Saturday I beat myself up pretty bad.  I decided to stop, just stop behaving entitled.  I decided to joyfully serve my people, even if I was gritting my teeth (joy will come...I believe joy will come) and be quiet.  I decided to focus not on my false sense of entitlement but on how changing my heart, mind and actions to realign with God's.    

I texted a friend and poured out my heart.  I made myself step up and and reach out.  I cried and cried, prayed and prayed.  I listened to sermons and praise music.  And God kept talking and talking. I needed to realign myself with Him.  I needed to confess to God and my people and repent.  I had to suck it up, grow up and obey.  It wasn't all about me.  Jesus needed to be back in the center.  

It isn't pretty.  I am still unraveled but God is slowly putting me back together.  I am still tired.  I am still frustrated and upset.  But I am choosing not to behave that way.  I am choosing to react with LOVE, JOY, PEACEFULNESS, KINDNESS, PATIENCE, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, and SELF-CONTROL.  I can't do that without God.  I can't be anything other than my old sinful self.  I can, however, be filled with the Holy Spirit and react as God would if i ask for His help .  I can live in His strength.  I can put Jesus back in the center of my life.

Lord, I have become unglued and unraveled.  I allow my emotions to be dictators instead of indicators.  I yell, scream, rant and rave.  I induce fear and blame.  I need You to glue me back together.  Lord, forgive me.  Change me.  Shield those I have hurt.  Lead me back to Your heart where I can find the peace and self-control I need.  In Jesus's name, Amen.