Reclaiming Sex for God

I want Christians to take sex back from the world.  That's right,  I am on a sex crusade.  Good, monogamous, marital sex.  Before you think I have totally lost my mind and gone to the dark side, let me explain.

The world has lots to say about sex.  Most if what the world says about sex is lies.  It is not without boundaries.  It is not to be used as a weapon to control, hurt, and punish others.   It is not to be practiced by children or singles.

But, and here your mind may be blown, Christians have lied about sex also.  It is not something that is only for the purposes of procreation.  Sex should not be filled with shame and disgrace.  Sex is not disgusting.  It is something that should be looked forward to.  Sex is a very important part of marriage.  Sex is good.  Sex is fun.  Sex is something to be enjoyed, celebrated, and (gasp) be talked about.  Bottom line, if the Bible talks about sex so should we.

We should be talking about it in our homes, in our youth groups, in our life groups, and from the pulpit.  We should be talking about what God's design for sex is to our children, our spouses, and our friends.

We shouldn't be ashamed of sex.  God created sex.  He designed an enjoyable (Bonus!!) way for a married couple to unite and physically become one.  It is the most intimate form of martial worship.  It communicates love and acceptance to one another.  Have you ever thought about God in your marriage bed?  Well you should, because he's there,  and he cares about your sex life.

He cares if you are satisfied with it.  He cares if you have been hurt by it.  He cares if you are bored with it.  He had a whole book of the Bible written about sex.  Jesus cares about sex.

For the next couple of blogs I am going to dive deeper into sex.  What does the world say about it?  What does the Bible says about sex?  What is the church saying about it?  How do we talk about sex?  Why should we talk about sex?

I am aware this is a very sensitive topic and I am going to try to be as delicate as this gal can possibly be.  But hear my heart, I want you and your spouse to have a freaking fantastic sex life, so I am going to be blunt and honest also.  It is time to reclaim sex for Jesus.

Glenn R. Hickernell

Glenn R. Hickernell

Posted: Friday, September 18, 2015 6:00 am, Meadvilletribune.com

CONNEAUTVILLE — Glenn R. Hickernell, 73, of Conneautville, passed away Wednesday Sept. 16, 2015, at Meadville Medical Center. He was born in Meadville, March 30, 1942, to the late Jack and Elvira Peffer Hickernell. He married Kathy Swartz in 1974. She survives.

Shakespeare said the world was a stage, but to Glenn it was also a classroom. After graduating from Allegheny College he taught us for 39 years at Conneaut Valley High School. Mr. Hickernell was our English and photography teacher and drama director. Glenn was a leader in our churches. He directed us towards higher principles, family values and the priority of helping kids. He was our friend, guiding us how to change our darkest chapters into stories of value. Rocking in a lawn chair, sitting in a classroom or standing on a stage to reach just one child was just another day with Glenn.

In addition to his wife, he is survived by four children, Paul, his wife, Elise, and their children, Lucas, Aiden and Jackson Hickernell of Troy, Ohio, Christopher, his wife, Marjorie, and their children, Treten and Talon Hickernell, of Salem, Mass., Sarah Hickernell of Asheville, N.C., Kimberly and her husband, Aaron Cole, of Erie; a sister, Sally and her husband, Drew Overpeck, of Glendale Springs, N.C.; a brother, John and his wife, Mary Hickernell, of Kansas City, Mo.; and many nieces and nephews.

Glenn’s final curtain call will be at 2 p.m. Saturday at Valley Church United Methodist, 1118 Main St., Conneautville. Retired pastor and dear friend Bill Deets will be officiating. A gathering will follow the service for us to share our fondest moments and greatest memories with Glenn.

Memorial contributions in Glenn's name may be made to any charity of your choice.

Arrangements have been entrusted to the services of White-Cool Funeral Home, Conneautville.

Condolences can be left for the family by visiting white-coolfuneralhome.org.

The world has lost a beautiful man.  Mr. Hickernell was more than a teacher or a friend's father.  He was a gift from God.  He taught me to love photography, the theater, and myself.  He came along at a time when I didn't like myself all that much.  I placed my worth instead by which boys liked me and he, along with a few other influential people, helped to begin my process of learning to love myself.

He gave me a role in the a school theater production and I fell in love.  Under his direction I was able to become Medea, Anne Frank, and Amanda Wingfield (Glass Menagerie), among many others.

I memorized the famous speech given by Marc Antony in "Julius Caesar".
"Friends, Romans, and Countrymen lend me your ears."

I memorized Juliet's heart wrenching words in "Romeo and Juliet"
"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet."

It was because of Mr. Hickernell I feel in love with Shakespeare.  

He drove me and his son, Paul, for years to countless  Junior Achievement meetings.  He would take us to visit his parents where I would begin to understand who my friend, Paul,  came from.  He would speak to truth in me as an educator and a mentor.  When he saw that I was losing myself to boys and other things, he would kindly tell me to get myself together and start caring about myself.

But more important than all the education and experiences he gave me was that he showed me Jesus could look like a middle-aged man riding around in a Rascal scooter through the hallways of Conneaut Valley High School.  

Mr. Hickernell didn't preach to me.  I actually don't think he ever even said the name of Jesus to me in all the years I knew him.  What he did do was show me Jesus.  He displayed love, grace, discipline, acceptance, kindness and joy in every interaction I was a part of and witness to.    

I was blessed to observe him with his wife and children.  He was loving and yet a disciplinarian.  I remember one year he let, Christopher I think, put up "Not Christmas" lights because his children wanted lights on the house even though they did not celebrate the traditional Christmas.    

I remember his sacrifice of time for his children and support at their activities.

My sister and I were reminiscing about him today and she told me the story how he promised her and her friend that if they came to class everyday during the 2nd semester he would let them take his Rascal for a ride around the school running errands for him.  Sure enough they came to class everyday for the entire semester and on the last day he let them rip around the hallways on the Rascal.

He took an awkward teenage girl who didn't like her parents, didn't like herself, and gave her joy and self-confidence.  He gave me a sense of security.  He gave me a peak at what Jesus looks like through his interactions with me and others.

It couldn't have been easy to be him.  Some talked behind his back and teased him because of his weight.  He had to use a Rascal to get around and some laughed behind him.  But, just like Jesus, he returned their teasing with love and kindness.  He held his head high and taught by example, never expressing a word, how to live gracefully and joyfully in the midst of pain and ridicule. 

He never returned a harsh word to the hurtful words thrown at him.  There were people who said he and his family were in a cult because their practiced their Christian faith differently than most in our small town.  Never did I ever hear a single defensive word come out of his mouth.  Instead, I witnessed a man who held fast to his faith and led his family.  I never had a father who led his family like Jesus leads the Church ,but when I would imagine what that looked like I always envisioned how I witnessed Mr. Hickernell behave with his family.  

I am blessed for knowing him.

Mr. Hickernell, these are all things I should have told you before you went home to Jesus.  I am sorry I never did.  But I want your family to know that your legacy reached far beyond them.  Thank you for the memories and life lessons.  I know you are out of pain and healed in heaven and I hope you family finds comfort in that.  

Until I see you again.  

Nurse Ratchet

My husband affectionally calls me Nurse Ratchet.  For those who have watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" you know this is not necessarily a compliment.  But I have to admit, he is right, I am a terrible nurse.  In my opinion, all sick people should voluntarily quarantine themselves and leave the healthy humans alone.   Take your medicines, tissues and other sickness paraphernalia into your room with you (maybe ask for the occasional water or soup) and let us be.  We have a life to live, you know, and can't spend it taking care of your head cold.

My poor children never get any slack when they are sick.  I am notorious for saying things like, "Push through", "Just because your sick doesn't mean that the world stops",  and "If you don't feel well, go lay down and stop infecting the rest of us."  I don't mean to be unempathic when someone is sick and actually I am very empathic when you are ill.  I feel terrible that you feel terrible, really I do. I just am not a good nurse.  I enjoy taking care of people in many ways, but nursing is not one of them.

If you want someone to help you advocate on your child's behalf at a school meeting...I'm your girl.  Need your oil changed...keep walking.  If you want to discuss the symbolism in "The Old Man and the Sea"...yoo-hoo, over here.  Need help with your physics homework...next, please.  You need a recipe for tonight's dinner...yep, I can help with that.  Need a bullnose plane...I have no idea what you are talking about.  Want advice about navigating the system for you child with special needs...pick me!! Want someone to vent to and laugh with over coffee...when do you want me there?

What I'm trying to say is, there are thing I am really good at and things I really suck at.  Learning and accepting my strengths and weaknesses has been a blessing with age.  As I have gotten older I am beginning, notice I said "beginning", to feel less pressure to be perfect at everything.  Age has given me some perspective that I cannot be, nor do I want to be, everything to my people.  I cannot possibly be expected to teach my children everything that they need to know to be honest, loving, empathic, and productive adults.  That is one of the reasons we have begun to strategically put other adults in their lives.  I don't want to be the be-all end-all to my husband, which is why it is important for him to have other friends.

Honestly, I think it is rather prideful and arrogant to think that God created me to be everything to all those around me.  In the past, I tried to do just that.  Eventually, I became exhausted and bitter because I was doing everything for everyone.  I had to get honest with myself and realize I created that maddening nightmare myself and I only had myself to be angry with.  I needed to change.  I had to get real about who I was and what areas I excelled and blundered in.  I had to make space in my life for others, who I trusted, to come in and fill in the gaps.  But more importantly, I had to make space for God.  

God excels at being God.  He wants to come and fill in our gaps and when we acknowledge we can't control everything or do it all, we make space for him to come in and do just that.  If we are busy being God than what do we need him for?  We can't expect Jesus to come rescue us if we aren't giving him space to do his work.  But that was exactly what I was doing.  I was trying to be God to everyone around me.  Even worse, I realized I was teaching my children that they didn't need God because Mom is the one who is the savior, not Jesus.

Can I guide them, help them and teach them?  Absolutely.  But to whom am I guiding them to?  To whom am I telling them should be their first stop for help?  To whom am I leading them to get advice from first?  It shouldn't be me.  It should be the the real Savior, Jesus.  I want them to go to Jesus with their hurts and failures first.  I want them to look in the Bible and talk to God about what to do in their lives before coming to me and getting my advice.  I want them to rely on the only totally and completely reliable resource, their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  And the first way I can do that is to rely on Jesus first myself.  I need to lead by example.

I am a terrible nurse but Jesus is the Great Physician.  And lucky for my people, Jesus can also give me a extra dose of grace to deal with them and their infectious diseases.  Oh crap, was that someone sneezing?

Thank you for my beautiful friends and family, who you have given me, to help fill in my gaps.  Thank you for being my Savior.  There are none who are better at being God then you.  It is your rightful place, not mine.  Lord, forgive me for trying to be God.  I confess, that I am terrible at being everything to everyone.  You didn't create me to do this.  Please Lord, remove my pridefulness and arrogance and replace it with humility and the need and will to seek you.  I pray that my children, and their children for generations, will seek your face and guidance all the days of their lives.  I pray that my legacy with be one of humbleness and grace.  I love you Jesus.  It is in your name, the name above all other names, that I pray...amen.      

I'm Not Finished

Philippians 1:6

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

My husband, the youngest of 5 (4 boys and 1 girl),  tells a story of how his sister used to be in charge of the kitchen clean up after meals when they were growing up.  He recalls hollering to her that he wasn't finished with his meal as she would pick up his plate to wash it.  She would ignore him or tell him too bad because she was ready to clean up.  I love that story.  

One reason I love that story is because it reminds me that none of us are finished.  We aren't finished growing or learning.  We aren't finished dreaming (thus the rise from the ashes of this blog) or achieving.  We are creatures that are still "in process".  Honestly, it would behoove me more to remember that neither I, nor my children or husband, are finished and I should give grace accordingly.  

That is hard for me.  I have hugely high expectations for myself and all those around me.  I expect that while the rest of the world is still unfinished and making mistakes, that my people and I won't.  Certainly not us!  These high expectations cause deep hurt in my life. 

Time for some gut honest truth.  I can seem rigid, judgmental, and unforgiving.  Even more truth, sometimes I am those things.  Usually, I am those things because of my high expectations for others.  My high expectations can cause others to quit and give up because they will never be good enough for me.  Hear my heart, I am sorry.  I am sorry to those that I have made feel that way.  I am sorry that I have hurt you and caused you pain because of my expectations.  I apologize.  I could go on for paragraphs but the bottom line is I should never use those expectations to cut down, hurt and belittle others.  I am sorry.   

I have had friends tell me to just lower my expectations and I wouldn't be hurt and honestly, I wish I could.  I wish I could expect nothing out of anyone or myself but deep down I don't know that I really want that.  I think that sometimes high expectations have helped me experience God miracles.  Those high expectations help me realize that I can't do anything on my own.  They help me fall to my knees and cry out to God for his wisdom, grace and salvation.  Those high expectations have cleared me of myself and allowed God to enter and work because I know that there is no way on earth to achieve what I hope to achieve without God entering into my life and working his God miracles.  

I have imposed my high expectations on others because I want them to achieve greatness and see some God miracles in their lives too.  What I need to do is learn to even out those high expectations with good Biblical love.  I run into trouble when I don't invite God in and impose my expectations and not God's expectations.   His expectations are rooted in his word and truth.  They are for the good.   They always come with his help.  Which leads me to the last reason I love my husband's childhood story.   

It is a reminder of one of God's promises.  He will never leave us hollering that we aren't finished.  I leave people unfinished but he will always complete us.  One day all my high expectations for myself and my people will be completed in God's all knowing and perfect way because he will complete us, not me.  He is completing us.  He is making me and you whole as I type this.  One day we will be complete.  He will finish what he started in us.  Isn't that a beautiful thought?  To be finished, whole, complete.  God is working.  He never stops.  He started us, is working on us and through us, and will finish us!  Amen.   I am praising him and blessed just by thinking of this promise. 

I pray you find hope that you and your people are not finished.  God started a work and promises to complete it.  

Lord, thank you for your word and promises.  Thank you for finishing what you start.  Thank you for not being like me. and being God.  Thank you for never becoming distracted and losing interest in us.  Thank you for not using your expectations to hurt.  Thank you for loving us enough to complete us.  Lord, I ask that you grant us extra grace and love for ourselves and each other while you are doing your work in us.  Help us to remember that we are unfinished works and to love the in-process masterpieces of those around us.  It is only because of your son that we can be heard by you.  Thank you for Jesus, his sacrifice and his advocacy on our behalf.  It is in his name we pray, amen.    

BLOG NOTE:  

I have been gone too long.  I have allowed Satan to tell me this blog and it's contents are a waste of time.  Today I say no more.  No more!  I have had a desire to write since I was young and over the years that desire to has morphed into a desire to write devotionals and teach.  I have LOTS to learn and hone.  Please be patient with me.  I ask for your prayers to remain steadfast in God's will.  To be honest, I am filled with doubt and anxiety.  I appreciate your feedback so please give it.  Let me know, in kindness please, what your thoughts are about this blog and it's posts.  I look forward to hearing from you.  Here we go...again.  Thanks for sticking with me.