Peace

During this week of the M2C Bible study we are encouraged to be at peace with our bodies.   For the most part I have never been at peace with my body.  When I was pregnant I loved my body.  I loved the roundness of my belly and the fullness of my body.  I was content and at peace with myself.  Before and after pregnancy, not so at peace with myself.  

I was not always overweight.  The tragic part is that even though I was a normal weight, I thought I was huge.  I hated my body and they way it looked.  I was self-conscious of my stomach, legs, arms, practically every inch of myself.  I was constantly dieting to become thinner and then binging to ease the pain of self-hatred.  

When I was 21 I met my future husband and sweetheart.   The best part about him, besides his sense of humor and gorgeous huskiness, was that he loved me.  He didn't care about my stomach, or legs, or arms.  He loved me.  I quit dieting but the binging to ease the pain of self-hatred never stopped.  I began to gain weight.  And quiet honestly, besides losing the weight twice without being to keep it off, here I am 15 years later and still overweight and I can definitely say, not at peace with my body.  

I want to be at peace with my body.  I truly do.  I no longer wish to hate my appearance.  I dread looking in the mirror or getting dressed.  Every morning is an emotional olympic event to be ok enough with myself to leave the house.  I can't wait until I begin to believe about me what God believes about me. 

So how am I doing it?  I am reading the Bible everyday.  I am learning about who God thinks I am.  I am working on loving myself and being at peace with who I am.  I am not there yet but I am not about to allow the next 15 years of my life to be ruled by self-hatred.  

I believe that if my hearts desire is to become who God wants me to be than I will begin to become that woman as I begin to allow Him to change me.  I believe that if I truly want to find peace with my body I must gain proper perspective.  I must begin to see myself as God sees me.  I must begin to celebrate how God created me.  I must begin love myself.  I must release the lies I have told myself for 36 years and learn the truths about how I am.  

Lord, thank you for the way you created my body.  Thank you for every part and particle of who I am.  Thank you for my stomach, legs, and arms.  They have served You well.  They have carried 2 children.  They have prepared hundreds of meals for my family.  They have walked the floors when my children called me.  They have served Your church.  And they have served my community.  Help me love see myself as You see me.  Help me to love myself as You love me.  Father, help me to be at peace with this creation that is called Tory.